


You Have the Honor of Being Invited to a Very Special Episode of The Riddle Factory

by Penguina



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Crushes, Ed Nygma is a drama queen, Edward crushes harder than a 12 year old girl, M/M, POV Edward Nygma, Riddle Me This, Riddler - Freeform, Riddles, The Riddle Factory, game show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-20 18:26:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15540294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penguina/pseuds/Penguina
Summary: Edward has a problem. He has not one, not two, but three crushes! And he can’t choose between them. So finally he figures out the best solution: what better way to decide than make all three of them compete against each other in a riddle match. The winner gets a date with the one and only Ed Nygma/Riddler.Featuring the three lucky contestants Penguin, Scarecrow, and Mad Hatter in a very special episode of The Riddle Factory!





	You Have the Honor of Being Invited to a Very Special Episode of The Riddle Factory

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Boossuet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boossuet/gifts).



“I bet you’re all wondering why you’re here. Well. I’m so glad you asked. You’re here to witness three champions, best of the best, crème de la crème, the three adorable cuties who are willing to play this game and win the most fabulous prize of all. (Drum roll!) A date with me!” Enthusiastic cheers and applause followed. “Welcome to the Riddle Factory!” 

 

More cheers and even louder applause. 

 

A wide grin spread across Edward’s face. This was the perfect way to decide which one of his three crushes to pursue. He straightened his sparkly green suit, fixed his bowler hat, and called for his assistants to bring the contestants on the stage. 

 

“First here we have the lovely and charming or charmingly lovely Mr. Tetch!” 

 

Mad Hatter waved excitedly at the audience, his grin matching Edward’s. He took his place at the little stand with his name, prepared especially for him. 

 

“Then we have the Master of Your Fears, the longest legs I’ve ever seen (after my own), Scarecrow!” 

 

Jonathan Crane stepped out, giving a slight nod to the audience, then mostly ignoring them as he took his place behind his stand. 

 

“And last but definitely not least unless you want to lose a limb, the one and only King of Gotham, the Waddle Master with the deadly umbrella, Mr. Penguin!” 

 

No one showed up. Edward tilted his head with a frown. 

 

“I said… Mr. Penguin!” He repeated louder. 

 

Still nothing. 

 

Edward chuckled awkwardly. Surely Oswald wouldn’t ditch him in front of so many people watching. 

 

Just when he was about to give up hope, Oswald Cobblepot showed up in all his magnificence, dressed elegantly as ever and causing the audience to boom into wild applause. 

 

Edward chuckled fondly. Typical. “He also always knows how to make an entrance.” 

 

Oswald took his place at the third stand and they were ready to begin. 

 

“Now. Contestants, you know the rules. I ask you riddles, whoever answers the most riddles correctly will win a date with me.” Edward reminded. 

 

“I want a date with you!” Jervis cried almost hysterically. 

 

“Well, you might just get that chance,” Edward announced proudly. “Are you ready to riddle?” 

 

“YES!” Everyone cried out, including Penguin who even sent Ed a little kiss and a wink. 

 

More than pleased with this turn of events, Edward proceeded with the game. 

 

“Here comes the first riddle,” Ed said enthusiastically in his perfect game show host voice. “It’s not that difficult so good luck, Jervis! 

 

_ You can carry me everywhere you go, and I do not get heavy. What am I?” _

 

Edward noticed Oswald rolling his eyes, and Scarecrow tapping his long fingers on his own stand. They must’ve thought the riddle was too easy. Or perhaps they were merely impatient for it to be their turn. 

 

“Ooh, ooh! Is it tea? A cup? A hat? A table!” Jervis kept listing loudly. “A pea? A pup? A cat? Or maple?” 

 

“Your final answer…?” Edward said, reminding Jervis that his time for thinking was soon up.  

 

“Name! It’s a name!” Jervis gasped, clapping excitedly. “Oh, I love this game!” 

 

“That’s corrrrrrect!” Edward announced, waving his hands theatrically. “Name! Well done, Jervis Tetch! You earn 10 points. Now, on to the next contestant. I promise you, he looks much hotter underneath that mask.” Ed sighed longingly, remembering how attractive Scarecrow was. “Are you ready, dearie?” 

 

Scarecrow nodded. “Ready.” 

 

“Here goes! 

 

_ I will follow you for 1000 miles but not miss home. I desire neither food nor flowers. I fear not water, fire, knives, nor soldiers. But I disappear when the sun sets behind the western mountains. Who am I?”  _

 

Jonathan was silent, thinking. The seconds were slipping away. It was making Ed really nervous. He didn’t want Jon to drop out so soon. He was hoping for at least a few more rounds before one of these crazy lovebirds won the date. 

 

“You’re running out of time, Scarecrow dear,” Edward reminded in a sing-song voice and a tense smile. 

 

Just before the clock was about to announce the end of his time, Scarecrow said, “Shadow.” 

 

Edward laughed nervously. “You just wanted to give me a fright, didn’t you? You knew the answer all along, you naughty heigh you!” He teased. 

Scarecrow smirked a little but gave no other confirmation of Edward’s words. 

 

“Shadow is corrrrrect!” Edward announced and moved on to Oswald. “Mr. Penguin. Care for a huddle?” 

 

Oswald groaned. “If my riddle is bird related, I’m not answering,” he announced. 

 

“Come now, be a good sport. And please keep that umbrella away from me? It’s making me nervous.” 

 

Oswald chuckled but put the umbrella to the side. 

 

“The next riddle is as follows, 

 

_ What animal do you think is the best at baseball?”  _

 

Oswald was visibly taken aback by the question. Ed could tell he truly expected a bird riddle. But penguins and baseball were a peculiar combination. The answer here was no bird. Ed couldn’t help but smirk at that. 

 

“Tick tock!” Ed reminded. 

 

Oswald pouted. “If you wanted me to lose, you could’ve just said so, instead of asking me to do this.” 

 

“Oh, come on. Think a little.” 

 

Oswald slowly inhaled and exhaled, and then suddenly it clicked. “Oh, damn you, Riddler! It’s a bat!” 

 

The audience laughed and so did Riddler. Mad Hatter clapped his hands excitedly and even Scarecrow chuckled. 

 

“Bat is corrrrect!” Edward announced, winking at Oswald. “I know you’ve recently had a mishap with the Bat, so I thought it’d be amusing if I mentioned it.” 

 

“ _ Most _ amusing,” Oswald said grumpily. 

 

“Back to Mad Hatter!” Edward said loudly, returning to Jervis who was already jumping up and down excitedly. “Now tell me, Jervis, 

 

_ What do you call a rabbit with the sniffles?”  _

 

Jervis laughed cheerfully. “Why, a runny bunny, of course! I say without remorse!” 

 

The audience laughed again and so did Edward. “You’re good at this! You have good chances of winning me for that date. Now, Scarecrow! Darling. Here comes yours, 

 

_ No legs have I to dance,  _

_ No lungs have I to breathe,  _

_ No life have I to live or die  _

_ And yet I do all three.  _

_ What am I?”  _

 

Scarecrow did not seem amused. “You must be joking, right?” 

 

“A dance doesn't sound so bad, does it?” Riddler wiggled his eyebrows. “Can’t you just picture it? You, me, and dancing.” 

 

“It’s not the dance I’m concerned about,” Scarecrow said, “Why is this riddle about a fire?” 

 

“Fire! That’s corrrrrrect!” Edward announced just as theatrically as the previous times. 

 

“Why fire, though?” Scarecrow insisted. “Why is mine about fire?” 

 

“Because it’s burning love, baby, and you gonna set me on fire,” Edward said in a low passionate voice. 

 

“You’re quoting Elvis now? Really?” Oswald groaned. Obviously he wanted all of Ed’s attention to himself and every time he had a rival he got really irritated. Ed found it adorable so he’d often tease Oswald on purpose just to watch him get all filled with jealousy. 

 

“Be patient, my feathery friend. I’ll fly to you next.” Ed said and true to his word he twirled to Oswald’s stand, propping an elbow there to lean in and grin at the short chubby man. Oswald pretended he didn’t care but Ed could see the blush on his cheeks, reaching his ears. It made Ed grin even wider. “Are you ready for your riddle, Mr. Cobblepot?” Oswald nodded. “Here goes, 

 

_ I cannot be bought, but I can be stolen with one glance. I'm worthless to one but priceless to two. What am I?  _

 

Oswald’s beautiful blue eyes widened as he gaped at Edward. “It’s-- the answer is… love,” he muttered awkwardly, no doubt reminded of the significance this particular riddle had for the two of them and their history together. 

 

“Corrrrrect!” Edward grinned, then made sure to gaze deeply into Oswald’s eyes before uttering, “It’s love, no doubt about it.” 

 

He could see the way Oswald fidgetted, unable to stand still at Edward’s words. A smile graced his face, his blush making his cheeks look quite rosy. That together with the sparkling eyes made quite the view. Edward revelled in it. Oswald had always been the easiest to get all hot and bothered by Ed. Jervis was the most excitable one, and Scarecrow… well, Scarecrow was the one that made Edward weak in the knees. 

 

“Time for the next round!” 

 

The game continued with lots of riddles. The contestants got some of them right, some of them wrong, but no matter what happened it was always a tie. 

 

“Darn it. You, three, are making this pretty difficult, aren’t you?” Edward sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Alright. Are you ready for another one?” 

 

“Ed, I have a riddle for you,” Oswald said sweetly. “What can't you have for breakfast and lunch?”

 

“Dinner,” Ed said. “Why?” 

 

“Let’s have dinner tonight. Just the two of us,” then added matter-of-factly, “I’ll shoot Scarecrow and Mad Hatter so they don’t bother us.” 

 

“Oswald! There’s an audience here!” Ed said, outraged. 

 

“I don’t care,” Oswald shrugged. 

 

“I can’t allow you to do that. They’re my friends,” Ed insisted. 

 

Oswald sighed. “The  _ one  _ reasonable suggestion of this entire day and you shut it down.” 

 

“I know! Let’s spin the wheel!” Jervis said. 

 

“Spin the wheel! Spin the wheel!” The audience chanted with him. 

 

Ed glanced at the wheel and as it began spinning he could feel his head getting dizzy, his vision going blurry, the voices around him sounding from a distance, a clever sunbeam poking in his eye. 

 

Ed shifted a little, twisting his face in a grimace as he cracked an eye open to find himself in his bed. Well, in Query and Echo’s bed, to be more exact, because he never slept in his own bed. He preferred to have his friends closeby when he was asleep. It was a platonic thing, his friends hated it but he kept doing it anyway because deep down he was sure they thought it sweet. 

 

“Contestants?” Ed mumbled confused, looking around the room in search for them. His voice was hoarse with sleep. Was it all a dream? It would appear so. He dropped his head back down on the pillows with a sigh. One of these days he’d ask one of them out. Or perhaps…

 

~*~

 

Three envelopes. Three invitations. Three crushes. 

 

_ Darling Oswald, Jon, and Jervis,  _

 

_ You have the honor of being invited to my very special episode of Riddle Factory. The winner gets a date with me. That’s right! A real date with me! So shake your minds a little and come join me for the riddle match of the century!  _

 

_ Love,  _

  1. _Nygma, your friendly neighborhood Riddler_



 

_ P.S. Please, come!  _

 

~*~

 

“So what do you make of this?” Oswald arched an eyebrow. “Do we go to this… riddle match?” 

 

“I’m not sure. His flirting makes me uncomfortable,” Jon admitted. 

 

“The man is nuts, I say. His brain must be full of heigh!” Jervis Tetch added. 

 

“Then it is decided. We ditch him,” Oswald announced. 

 

“We ditch him!” The two other rogues agreed. 

 

Later that night Edward received three separate letters, one from each of his crushes. 

 

_ Edward, my friend,  _

 

_ I’m saying this with abundance of respect and affection. Your riddle match idea is ridiculous. Never ever mention it again to anyone. Ever.  _

_ That said, I was wondering if you could swing by the Iceberg Lounge tomorrow evening? We have lovely private booths that allow for cozy chats with no irritating interruptions. I’m sure the two of us would have a splendid time together.  _

 

_ Love,  _

_ Oswald _

 

_ P.S. My sources tell me your other two friends won’t accept the riddle challenge either so I guess I’m your only option anyway. Forget about them. They’re boring.  _

 

The next letter read, 

 

_ Riddler,  _

 

_ If I had one fear left in me, it would’ve been the fear of losing you. Let’s just skip the riddles and get to the dating.  _

 

_ Yours,  _

_ Jonathan Crane, aka the Scarecrow  _

 

The third letter read, 

 

_ Edward, my sweet,  _

_ I can’t wait for us to meet.  _

_ We’ll have riddles, we’ll have rhymes,  _

_ Who needs other Gothamites?  _

_ I’ll wait before your door, sitting in a chair.  _

_ It’s not creepy, it’s not stalking, I give a pinky swear!  _

 

_ Jervis Tetch, who’s quite a catch ;)  _

 

“Oh, dear,” Edward muttered to himself, staring helplessly at the three letters. How was he to choose if all three of his crushes wanted him back? “Curse my irresistible charm,” he sighed and started getting ready for his date with Oswald, with Jon, and with Jervis. 

**Author's Note:**

> Riddler never sleeping in his own bed is a reference to a most delightful fanfic by [Boossuet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boossuet/pseuds/Boossuet), called “[Sleeping with a Friend](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15527979/chapters/36045666)”. 


End file.
